.Monday, May 08, 2006 ' 10:27 pm Y
its juz one of doz days.
im feelin reali reali reali dwn at diz moment.
while typing.
i dunnoe y.
its been a fucked up couple of days.
n its nt causin anger frm me.
more like sadness.
i dun even noe where 2 start.
he hurts me time n again.
he disappoints me time n again.
i plan stuff.i put hopes in dem.
n all he does is to destroy all dat.
no initiative.no responsibility.
n diz mornin,it was more den i cud take.
wen u ask ur bf 2 change.
u'd xpect him 2 at least try.
n nt 2 keep repeatin d same thing ovr n ovr again
like u mean nuthin 2 him.
bcuz y?
bcuz he tinks dat u love him too much 2 stay angry 4 too long.
wad does dat mean?
i feel dat im bein taken advantage of.
n diz feelin sux.
especialli wen ur tryin 2 change here.
it was diff in d past.
i wud nvr let him take advtge of me.
i wud b d nasty one.
treatin him like..shit?
bt wen u start 2 b nice.
ppl start 2 step ovr ur head.
thinkin ur vulnerable.
bt im still d same yanni.
i can change 2 b d old yanni anytime i want.
n refusin 2 do dat,hasnt been an easy thing 2 do.
yes
i love him
even more den i did last time.
bt if diz is wad im gettin frm him.
dun b surprised if things juz turn d otha way.
scolded him.
was serious wif him.
all he cud do was 2 smile.
he dint take me seriousli.
he probly nvr did.
"u can get mad at me 4 all i care."
maybe dats d thing.
u simply dun care.
doz words were d last thing i needed 2 hear.
dat wasnt all.
dance training was like FUCK.
pardon my language.
i wanna vent out my anger.
fuck Libin 4 abusing her power.
she doesnt even dance so fuckin perfectly well.
fuck tricia 4 wantin 2 quit.
fuck d drama dey created just now.
shoutin.screamin.
libin wantin 2 leave d training halfway.
fuck Modern dance IG 4 bein so pathetic dat every1's startin 2 quit.
fuck d sch 2 say dat if we dun recruit 15 yr 1s durin d cca fair,
modern dance IG is gonna close dwn.
n our CCa in charge,ganesh,
actualli told us our dancin foundation is nt strong enuff.
dat fuckin hurt.
ive been dancin 4 so many fuckin yrs.
ive always loved dancin.
bt 2day i realized i shud actuali look in d mirror n ask myself
am i reali a gd dancer?
shud i b up der.on stage?dancing?
SHUD I JUST QUIT?
shud i juz dance my heart out back in clubs?
no competition.no challenge.
just pure fun?
i dun feel like performing anymore.
it was demoralizing.
everythin dat's goin arnd.
n it made me start thinkin of giving up dancing.
no calls.
no msgs.
frm d one hu hurt me d most.
i hadta call him up.
i reali needed sum1 diz time.
my frens tried 2 cheer me up.
i tried 2 cheer myself up.
bt im still walkin arnd wif a heavy heart.
so many things in my mind rite now.
if u tink dats all ur so fuckin wrong.
eh,wads family??
Ladysweet Yani